Fear of Failing* by David Little
When I wrote on the joys of Procrastination, I mentioned a potential fear of failure as being a causal factor. That was genuinely the first time it had ever occurred to me, and since I wrote the post, I've been thinking more about how that really could be at the core of why I do procrastinate with my writing. Even when I reread the post, it seems as though I'm glossing over it and yes, while I did break down some ways where I (and you) could tackle procrastination, did I get to the heart of the matter?
To recap, I've always had ideas for creating fictional works. I love to discover new stories or hooks upon which I can build a story, and I can spend hours working details, characters scenes out in my head when I'm driving, mowing the lawn, destroying foliage with impunity etc. It's a great way to multi-task and provides a feeling akin to elation when everything clicks or when I take the entire project (in my head of course) to its ultimate destination - publication and widespread enjoyment by readers.
The problems occur when I try to find time to sit down and write the prose; it doesn't come at all or it comes but just doesn't look right on the page as if I can't articulate what's in my head, or notes I've made, into something meaningful.
There. Right there, that's where the fear comes from.
I doubt myself - and there are various doubts that I have but listing them would seem like padding - and because of the doubt, I find ways to not actually allow myself to write. I have all these grand ideas and ambitions when it comes to my writing, but what if I complete something and it doesn't turn out the way I imagined? Daydreams are powerful things after all.
So I find ways to not open up a fresh document, because if I do then there's the fear of putting down words that don't work, or won't mean anything to me or anyone else if I write them down. Or, as has been the case with the two projects I've completed first drafts of or the proposed drabble collection, I hold back on completing them because that way I'll never worry about not having anyone to read it.
That's just poor.
Now that I have the potential root cause of the problem (and I've worked in IT Service for around 20 years, so I understand how key that can be) I need to work on the actions to prevent it causing me to procrastinate again.
The way I see it, I have two options. One, I can keep setting deadlines and work hard to hit them no matter how aggressive the timescales. Or two, I can sit down and continue to analyse the root cause and see where I go from here, which in itself could be a handy method of procrastinating just in case I need more of them. Of course there's always the third option of "do nothing" but we always learn to reject those out of hand and, in this case, "do nothing" is pretty much what happens when I try to write. Felt I had to lighten the moment there.
I choose box one, because its perhaps the most challenging and a radical solution is required and I can't keep circling around this Schrodinger's Novel scenario forever.
As I finish this post and reread it, one other thing strikes me as an option which I haven't considered which is crucial; I should be enjoying my writing.
Yes. I think I'll work on that.
