The Poetry Game by Sessha Batto
“My lover whispers to me.”
Kenji recoiled slightly, breaking their tenuous connection and drawing the regard of a passing maiko. He watched in growing horror as her eyes raked knowingly over them. She tilted her head, studying the way their shoulders pressed together, then hid her smirk demurely behind her fan and continued on. “Why are you doing this?”
“It's just a game,” Ryuu insisted, never taking his eyes off the water flowing beneath their perch. “Afraid to play a simple word game with your best friend?”
“People are watching us.” Kenji's face flamed even brighter and he dipped his head to hide his embarrassment while he fought to control his emotions.
“And you're making sure they keep watching. Now concentrate, we're playing the poetry game. I'll start.” Tickle of dry lips against a flushed cheek. “My lover whispers to me.”
“There must be a better way to spend our last hours together.” Kenji ignored the glare directed his way and continued, voice hoarse with unshed tears. “You can't expect me to pretend I'm happy and not say anything, just to make it easier for you.”
Ryuu counted to ten in his head, tamping down on his frustration in hopes of salvaging the evening. “Look at me.” Strong fingers brushed a tear off a porcelain cheek. “You knew this was coming. I never gave you any indication otherwise.”
“Of course. How ridiculous of me to expect the man who shared my bed every night for the last four years would want to stay with me,” Kenji hissed. “I should have guessed you were planning on getting married to your high school sweetheart right after graduation.”
“Yes, you should have. You know my parents, you should understand the kind of pressure I'm under.” Ryuu pulled his lover tight, hands automatically rubbing comforting circles across broad shoulders. “Besides, nothing needs to change. Junko knows how close we are. She'll expect us to spend time together. After all, she's been very patient with me about us.”
“She's been patient.” The total absence of intonation was a sign of just how far Kenji had shut down. “Well, there's no reason to put her out any longer. I certainly don't see the need to subject myself to any further humiliation.” He began struggling, forcing his arms up and pushing his taller lover away. “If you do this our friendship ends. I won't punish myself with your happiness.”
“Who says I'm happy? Life isn't about being happy. I don't see you shirking your duty and dishonoring your family.”
“Actually, I told them about us last year.” Ryuu's eyes widened in shock, he never expected his timid lover would take a stand where his family was concerned. “Of course, you were too busy hiding your engagement from me to notice they haven't called.”
“I . . . why would you do something so stupid?”
Ryuu's words broke the barrier holding his anger at bay. “Stupid? I'm stupid? What about all the promises you made? You told me we'd pledge our commitment under the sakura trees in the spring.” Despite all that had happened Kenji refused to believe the man he loved would be so carelessly hurtful. That conversation had convinced him to tell his parents about his lover, secure in the knowledge that they would deal with the consequences together.
“I was drunk. Of course I'd tell you what you wanted to hear, what I wish were true, pretty lies and pipe dreams.” Ryuu leaned further over the railing, scattering food for the koi lurking under the bridge.
“I see. So I'm some simple-minded fool who needs to be lied to?” Kenji flipped from passive to aggressive, abandoning any concern for his supposed friend's feelings. “You are nothing more than a self-centered, egotistical, arrogant, pain in my ass. I'm happy to be rid of you.”
“If you really meant that you wouldn't be crying,” Ryuu pointed out. “Please don't ruin what's left of the evening. I don't want to leave you like this. I want us to remember this night for the rest of our lives.”
Kenji whipped around, clenching the railing until his knuckles bled white. “You can remember what you like. I just want to forget this night as soon as humanly possible.” He took a deep breath, forcing his voice to remain steady. “I'm leaving now. Please don't come back to the apartment tonight. I promise I'll make myself scarce tomorrow so you can move your things out.”
He started to walk away, but jerked back when a hand caught his wrist in an iron grip. “Don't you dare walk away from me.” Ryuu's voice wavered, and he ran a hand over his face as he struggled to control his emotions. “I know it's not what you want, but we can have a good life like this. It isn't easy for me either and I'm counting on you to be there for all the formalities. If you aren't next to me I don't know if I can go through with this farce.”
“So, you need to rub my face in it for satisfaction?” The bitterly resigned bite of his words left Kenji's lover wincing.
“No, I need your support to help me do what is right . . . even though it's not what I want.” Ryuu gathered Kenji close, kissing the tip of his nose, then leaning in to touch foreheads. “You are my light. I don't think I can stand living in the dark.” They stood like that for some time, wrapped in each other's arms and lost in their thoughts.
“Have you even considered what it will be like for me? I'm not you, I can't manage two separate lives. Most of the time I'll be alone. I don't know if I can stand that.”
“I'm a selfish bastard,” Ryuu admitted. “I'm asking more of you than I have the right to. But, couldn't we at least try? If it doesn't work for you . . . I want to make it work for you.”
“I honestly don't know if that's even possible.” Kenji was trying to conceive of a scenario in which he could stay with the man he loved and still be able to look himself in the eye. “I can't imagine your wife will be happy about you abandoning her bed for mine.”
“She'll be happy using my credit cards and living in the style she longs to become accustomed to,” Ryuu grumbled. “She can't have everything. Besides, I think she's more in love with the idea of being married than she is with me. We've barely seen each other the last few years.”
Kenji worried his bottom lip with his teeth. “I want to stay with you, I do. But I'm not sure I can be your dirty little secret.”
“But you'll try? At least give me a chance to make it work?” Ryuu's face lit up. “Please? What do you have to lose? The worst that could happen is we end up apart.”
“And go through this again?” They had gravitated closer to each other, almost as if there were a magnetic pull tugging them into proximity whenever one strayed too far. The first icy drops shattered the spell. “We need to get out of the rain.”
Ryuu jumped on the opportunity to move to somewhere more private, guiding his lover across the bridge and into a nearby teahouse. “Mmm, this is much better,” he murmured, burying his face in the soft hair at the nape of Kenji's neck. “Shall we continue our game?”
The exasperated huff was expected, the wet tongue trailing up his throat was not. “You are so manipulative. You do realize this doesn't change anything?”
“My lover whispers to me.” The husky rasp of Ryuu's voice sent a frisson of excitement up Kenji's spine, and he let out a gasp when a wet tongue traced the shell of his ear.
“Soft susurration, feet on tatami,” he managed, before a hot tongue licked its way into his mouth and obliterated his train of thought.
“Mmmm, you taste so sweet.” Ryuu nibbled his way across a prominent collarbone, sucking lightly on the hollow of Kenji's throat and reveling in the throaty moan he got in response. “He pledges his devotion.”
“Worshiping me with his touch.” Kenji buried bloodless fingers in his lover's unruly hair as their mouths met, swaying up against Ryuu's taller form.
“His passion burns in me.”
Kenji pulled away abruptly. “You always do this. Stop seducing me to get your way. You made your choice, you can't have it both ways.” The disappointed pout on his lover's face should have swayed him, but recent events left him unsure of its truthfulness. Instead, he felt like the butt of a cruel joke. “He will miss me in the morning?”
“He will miss you in the morning. He will miss you most at night.” Ryuu buried his face in the crook of his lover's neck. “I don't want to lose you. Please don't do this.”
“You don't have to marry her,” Kenji whispered. “Stay with me.”
“I can't. They're all depending on me.”
“He goes to the one who holds his heart.” Kenji's voice cracked, and his eyes were too bright. “I will find a new love.”
Kenji recoiled slightly, breaking their tenuous connection and drawing the regard of a passing maiko. He watched in growing horror as her eyes raked knowingly over them. She tilted her head, studying the way their shoulders pressed together, then hid her smirk demurely behind her fan and continued on. “Why are you doing this?”
“It's just a game,” Ryuu insisted, never taking his eyes off the water flowing beneath their perch. “Afraid to play a simple word game with your best friend?”
“People are watching us.” Kenji's face flamed even brighter and he dipped his head to hide his embarrassment while he fought to control his emotions.
“And you're making sure they keep watching. Now concentrate, we're playing the poetry game. I'll start.” Tickle of dry lips against a flushed cheek. “My lover whispers to me.”
“There must be a better way to spend our last hours together.” Kenji ignored the glare directed his way and continued, voice hoarse with unshed tears. “You can't expect me to pretend I'm happy and not say anything, just to make it easier for you.”
Ryuu counted to ten in his head, tamping down on his frustration in hopes of salvaging the evening. “Look at me.” Strong fingers brushed a tear off a porcelain cheek. “You knew this was coming. I never gave you any indication otherwise.”
“Of course. How ridiculous of me to expect the man who shared my bed every night for the last four years would want to stay with me,” Kenji hissed. “I should have guessed you were planning on getting married to your high school sweetheart right after graduation.”
“Yes, you should have. You know my parents, you should understand the kind of pressure I'm under.” Ryuu pulled his lover tight, hands automatically rubbing comforting circles across broad shoulders. “Besides, nothing needs to change. Junko knows how close we are. She'll expect us to spend time together. After all, she's been very patient with me about us.”
“She's been patient.” The total absence of intonation was a sign of just how far Kenji had shut down. “Well, there's no reason to put her out any longer. I certainly don't see the need to subject myself to any further humiliation.” He began struggling, forcing his arms up and pushing his taller lover away. “If you do this our friendship ends. I won't punish myself with your happiness.”
“Who says I'm happy? Life isn't about being happy. I don't see you shirking your duty and dishonoring your family.”
“Actually, I told them about us last year.” Ryuu's eyes widened in shock, he never expected his timid lover would take a stand where his family was concerned. “Of course, you were too busy hiding your engagement from me to notice they haven't called.”
“I . . . why would you do something so stupid?”
Ryuu's words broke the barrier holding his anger at bay. “Stupid? I'm stupid? What about all the promises you made? You told me we'd pledge our commitment under the sakura trees in the spring.” Despite all that had happened Kenji refused to believe the man he loved would be so carelessly hurtful. That conversation had convinced him to tell his parents about his lover, secure in the knowledge that they would deal with the consequences together.
“I was drunk. Of course I'd tell you what you wanted to hear, what I wish were true, pretty lies and pipe dreams.” Ryuu leaned further over the railing, scattering food for the koi lurking under the bridge.
“I see. So I'm some simple-minded fool who needs to be lied to?” Kenji flipped from passive to aggressive, abandoning any concern for his supposed friend's feelings. “You are nothing more than a self-centered, egotistical, arrogant, pain in my ass. I'm happy to be rid of you.”
“If you really meant that you wouldn't be crying,” Ryuu pointed out. “Please don't ruin what's left of the evening. I don't want to leave you like this. I want us to remember this night for the rest of our lives.”
Kenji whipped around, clenching the railing until his knuckles bled white. “You can remember what you like. I just want to forget this night as soon as humanly possible.” He took a deep breath, forcing his voice to remain steady. “I'm leaving now. Please don't come back to the apartment tonight. I promise I'll make myself scarce tomorrow so you can move your things out.”
He started to walk away, but jerked back when a hand caught his wrist in an iron grip. “Don't you dare walk away from me.” Ryuu's voice wavered, and he ran a hand over his face as he struggled to control his emotions. “I know it's not what you want, but we can have a good life like this. It isn't easy for me either and I'm counting on you to be there for all the formalities. If you aren't next to me I don't know if I can go through with this farce.”
“So, you need to rub my face in it for satisfaction?” The bitterly resigned bite of his words left Kenji's lover wincing.
“No, I need your support to help me do what is right . . . even though it's not what I want.” Ryuu gathered Kenji close, kissing the tip of his nose, then leaning in to touch foreheads. “You are my light. I don't think I can stand living in the dark.” They stood like that for some time, wrapped in each other's arms and lost in their thoughts.
“Have you even considered what it will be like for me? I'm not you, I can't manage two separate lives. Most of the time I'll be alone. I don't know if I can stand that.”
“I'm a selfish bastard,” Ryuu admitted. “I'm asking more of you than I have the right to. But, couldn't we at least try? If it doesn't work for you . . . I want to make it work for you.”
“I honestly don't know if that's even possible.” Kenji was trying to conceive of a scenario in which he could stay with the man he loved and still be able to look himself in the eye. “I can't imagine your wife will be happy about you abandoning her bed for mine.”
“She'll be happy using my credit cards and living in the style she longs to become accustomed to,” Ryuu grumbled. “She can't have everything. Besides, I think she's more in love with the idea of being married than she is with me. We've barely seen each other the last few years.”
Kenji worried his bottom lip with his teeth. “I want to stay with you, I do. But I'm not sure I can be your dirty little secret.”
“But you'll try? At least give me a chance to make it work?” Ryuu's face lit up. “Please? What do you have to lose? The worst that could happen is we end up apart.”
“And go through this again?” They had gravitated closer to each other, almost as if there were a magnetic pull tugging them into proximity whenever one strayed too far. The first icy drops shattered the spell. “We need to get out of the rain.”
Ryuu jumped on the opportunity to move to somewhere more private, guiding his lover across the bridge and into a nearby teahouse. “Mmm, this is much better,” he murmured, burying his face in the soft hair at the nape of Kenji's neck. “Shall we continue our game?”
The exasperated huff was expected, the wet tongue trailing up his throat was not. “You are so manipulative. You do realize this doesn't change anything?”
“My lover whispers to me.” The husky rasp of Ryuu's voice sent a frisson of excitement up Kenji's spine, and he let out a gasp when a wet tongue traced the shell of his ear.
“Soft susurration, feet on tatami,” he managed, before a hot tongue licked its way into his mouth and obliterated his train of thought.
“Mmmm, you taste so sweet.” Ryuu nibbled his way across a prominent collarbone, sucking lightly on the hollow of Kenji's throat and reveling in the throaty moan he got in response. “He pledges his devotion.”
“Worshiping me with his touch.” Kenji buried bloodless fingers in his lover's unruly hair as their mouths met, swaying up against Ryuu's taller form.
“His passion burns in me.”
Kenji pulled away abruptly. “You always do this. Stop seducing me to get your way. You made your choice, you can't have it both ways.” The disappointed pout on his lover's face should have swayed him, but recent events left him unsure of its truthfulness. Instead, he felt like the butt of a cruel joke. “He will miss me in the morning?”
“He will miss you in the morning. He will miss you most at night.” Ryuu buried his face in the crook of his lover's neck. “I don't want to lose you. Please don't do this.”
“You don't have to marry her,” Kenji whispered. “Stay with me.”
“I can't. They're all depending on me.”
“He goes to the one who holds his heart.” Kenji's voice cracked, and his eyes were too bright. “I will find a new love.”
