No Valentine for This Romance Writer by Jamie DeBree

You might expect a romance writer to be excited to celebrate Valentine's Day. In my case, you'd be wrong.

I've never been a big fan of gift-driven holidays as a whole, and on this day especially, it seems as though a disproportionate number of women feel they are owed some sort of fealty from their lover (or even love interest) just for the privilege of being in a relationship. If these women don't receive a gift, or at least some acknowledgment of the day, they feel unloved. It's as though romance only exists for one day of the year and if they miss it, they're doomed to a loveless existence.

Of course I'm being dramatic. I'm a writer. It's what I do.

When I write a story about people falling in love, I rarely include mention of gifts being exchanged unless it is something so huge that it can't possibly be accepted, or so sentimental that it causes serious cognitive dissonance for one or both of the characters. Why? Because to me, the little things don't matter nearly as much as the intangible gifts that eventually must be exchanged for a romance to grow between two people. Things like trust, honesty, sacrifice and control - all of those and more must be addressed at some point in any new relationship (and are often revisited in older connections as well). The little things - flowers, candy, holiday cards - those are just window dressing if they're given because of a certain holiday or societal expectation. Take them out of a holiday-type setting and give them deeper meaning...that I can get behind. But romantic gestures shouldn't be confined to or expected on any one day, in my opinion, and my stories and characters reflect that.

The thing about romance is, it's not just the happy, joyful feelings you get when you're falling in love (or it isn't to me, at least). Romance is how we react to the bad stuff too. It's romantic to me when a hero takes care of a heroine when she's sick. Or when he leaves her because he feels she'll be safer without him. Or when a heroine refuses to give up on that incredibly stubborn man she knows she's supposed to be with, even when he does his best to push her away.

Romance is so much bigger than a box of chocolates or a bouquet of flowers, or one night out on the town. And that's why I write romantic stories - to gain understanding and perspective, and hopefully to give that back to my readers.

That's also why I don't really "do" Valentine's Day. Flowers, candy, jewelry...none of that signifies romance to me. Flowers make my allergies nuts, I'm trying to lose weight so candy and nice dinners are out, and I have more jewelry than I wear already. My husband is perfectly happy with this, of course...his idea of romantic is, well, not family friendly (but enjoyable, nonetheless). ;-)

Now if you'll excuse me, this post has given me a new idea for a story. Another romance, of course...