Top Ten Ways for Introverts to Survive a Writers Conference by Jennifer Spiller

Hello, my name is Jennifer Spiller and I AM AN INTROVERT.

Solitude renews my energy and fills my well.

Groups, especially large ones, drain it.

Like many creative people, I operate in a hyper focus mode. Trying to flit from group to group and conversation to conversation is as exhausting to me as running a marathon--without the runners high. So it might be a surprise for y’all to know I adore attending the Romance Writers of America’s national conference. Two thousand women in one hotel for three days, whoa.

First off, I should mention that I’m not shy per se, though approaching strangers in a large room does make me feel like fire ants have burrowed beneath my skin. I have a degree in Drama. I’ve done a lot of acting. I’ve been naked on stage in front of 3000 people. Trust me, conferences are much scarier. You have to be YOURSELF.

So here are my top ten tips for introverts to survive and thrive at writers conferences:



1.  Smile to everyone you see. Seriously. Not a nervous “I am a total fraud” smile, but an “Oh,my God! Isn’t this the best place ever?” smile. Smiles are contagious. So fake it ‘til you make it.

2.  If you only know two people, you may NOT spend the whole conference with them. Your job is to meet people. It’s not a writers retreat. Meet and greet, meet and greet. Move on.

3.  Leave your room and don’t go back except for changing clothes for events or for a mid-day rejuvenating break. For more on this, see Bob Mayer’s book on getting the most out of writers’ conferences.

4.  Have one line prepared to describe yourself to people. “I’m a recovering New Yorker living in rural Virginia. I write urban fantasy and historical romance while trying to keep my kids from sticking their fingers in light sockets.” Then shut up. Which brings me to...

5.  Ask people about themselves. Listen. Let me repeat that. Ask questions. LISTEN. Most of the other people, even the published authors, are nervous. Assume everyone else is as terrified as you. Treat the other people like you would want to be treated. Which brings me to...

6.  Rescue stragglers. That forlorn looking woman wandering through the bar? Run over and ask her to join you, especially if you’re in a group. Groups are intimidating to join. “Hi! I notice you’re looking around. Are you meeting someone? Would you like to have a seat with us?” Nobody wants to be the lonely person in the bar.

7.  Once you have added a straggler, introduce them around. “Nice to meet you Keri Stevens! What do you write?” Pause. Listen. “Hey everybody! Keri is published with Carina Press and writes about talking statues. Oh, wait!” Turn to other person at the table. “Leah, you write for Carina, too, don’t you?” Voila. You have made a connection for two more people.

8.  Dress to feel awesome. This is highly personal. Everyone’s definition of what makes them feel awesome is different. Be professional, but be YOU. There is no point on earth in trying to be something you’re not and making connections as this other person (except for the smiling). Trust me, they’ll find out about the real you eventually. I see a lot of instructions about conferences which make references to certain behavior and say, “You don’t want to be THAT woman or THAT guy.” But what if you are that guy? Then be that guy. It’s who you are. You’ll end up with the people who appreciate you. The rest will go somewhere else.

9.  Save the negativity for your private journal or your spouse or BFF.

10.  Cultivate COURAGE. The way I do this (and trust me, I broke out in hives at my first conference, so fear is no stranger to me) is to tell myself this is my job. It is my job to talk to people. It is my job to find dinner companions I’ve never seen before in my life. Then, it is my job to snag someone else along the way. “Oh wow! It’s Sarah Tanner! I met her yesterday and she is awesome. Shall we ask her to join us?”

Finally, remember this is going to be exhausting. Rest up ahead. Eat very, very healthy the week prior. Plan downtime for when you return. Conferences will suck all your energy away but they will re-lightyour creative fire, too. Be ready to dive in to those words when you return. Then, skip the low diving board and climb up to the high one. Remember, practicing courage is something we need to do every day--even when we’re alone with the words.