Why I write. Who’s Kidding Whom? by Alex Carrick

A short time ago, Donna Carrick (my wife) wrote a blog article for Johanna that stressed writing isn’t about trying to make money. It’s about love of the craft.

I couldn’t disagree more.

I think it’s all about the cash.

And the fame.

And the babes.

Let me revise that last point to groupies. I don’t want to get into too much trouble with Donna.

I’m a writer of short stories. Supposedly amusing ones for the most part. Although often I will attempt to be more serious.

Like right now and when it comes to money, I couldn’t be more serious.

I try to gear my stories towards what might have the most commercial appeal. One problem, of course, is the moving nature of that target.

For example, vampires are selling like hot cakes these days.

Will they have staying power? Some other topic will surely come along and scare them off with garlic.

But for the moment, I try to place as many vampires in my pieces as I can.

That’s easy enough when one is writing about some legal conundrum.

It becomes more problematic when one enters such subject areas as friendship, love and respect.

Speaking of love, I wish I could write erotica. But my skills come up short in that area. Just ask Donna.

Maybe that’s not the best choice of words. Mighty but limited is a better way to express it.

My fumbling around for words may actually be more realistic as a metaphor for what happens in the sack on many occasions, but that won’t sell.

I know there are other options and I’m willing to try them.

What about the old fashion way? Write a best seller.

Sorry, but that seems like a big stretch.

No, I’m exploring other routes.

If I could find a way to write that would result in me being offered a bribe, I’d embrace it with gusto.

I’d be thrilled to have any of my stories picked up by Hollywood.

Who wouldn’t wish to hob knob with the likes of Angelina Jolie or Rachel McAdams.

I could even put up with Harrison Ford trying to get into our circle, if it would keep Donna happy.

If you’ve read any of my work, you’ll know I’m already employing product placements wherever I can.

There’s nothing wrong with calling a drink a Pepsi or describing a car ride as taking my Ford for a spin.

So far, my efforts have been mainly voluntary. Corporations have been slow to pick up on what I’m doing on their behalf.

But I expect some day they’ll approach me with gratitude and requests for even more exposure.

That’s when the big bucks will start rolling in.

Maybe I shouldn’t be so open about my intentions. But hey, I have to advertise too.

Thanks for the opportunity, Johanna.

Now of course everything I’ve said in this article so far is a crock.

And I fully agree with all my wife has said. One writes for the love of it.

And if you believe that, in the context of my work, then I have a bridge in Brooklyn to sell you over the Internet.

I might even write about our sales agreement in a short story.

I’d be happy to mention your name.

A flattering description will cost you extra.